Never before have I passed so many pregnant women in one month. Wherever I turn their laden bellies scream out to me "There is a a baby forming inside this mound!". Beautiful, natural, the miracle and joy of life; that's what they say.
But the sheer quantity of pregnant women in the London area at the moment raises a flag of warning in my eyes. Sure it could be down to the need to copulate during those cold spring nights 6months ago, to keep warm in eachother's embrace. Or the concept of spring lambs brainwashing these women into deciding now was the time to have a baby. It COULD be these factors and any number of others. But more likely, and more realistically there is some kind of uprising/revolt/plot being hatched by these unborn embryos.
For so many babies to all be born in London around the same time, there must be a purpose. I can only conclude that a super army is in the making.
Imagine it, hundreds upon hundreds of babies, children, teenagers and then adults.. all born around the same time and in the same area. Growing up together, becoming ever more powerful and structured and organised in their plot to overthrow the government.
We as a nation should be on alert, our security is being threatened by these fingerless foetuses.
Just imagine a vast sea of crawling, stumbling babies breaking into our offices, our homes, pillaging our livelihoods. Smashing our furniture to pieces with their rattles, squirting poisonous milk into our eyes to blind us from the destruction they will surely wreak. Their bibs fitted with bullet proof material, their nappies filled with grenades. WHO WILL SAVE US?!
The next time you see a pregnant woman on the bus, don't give up your seat, you're only helping the foetus inside to gain strength for their massacre.
DISCLAIMER: Please do not heed any of this advice. I have the upmost appreciation and respect for the tribulations of pregnancy. You should always give up your seat.
... But the uprising is something to bare in mind...
Peace out from the suspicious Elf x
